Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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