I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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