they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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