How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
