remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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