A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
