She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
