I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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