We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
