I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
