I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
