That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
