I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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