Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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