I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
