I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we're so committed to being not committed
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