he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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