I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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