so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
