God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
