Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
