if you like me you must not know who I am
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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