So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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