is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
