I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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