I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
a search helicopter?!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
