Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
