just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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