I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
