This is the prime rib incident all over again
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
