so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
