Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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