I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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