I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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