Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
