i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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