when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
