pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize