the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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