The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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