Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
