I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Pooping to opera.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
