Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
