your parents love me but you hate me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
