You really coming over, don't trick.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
