sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
