The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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