like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
