I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
