Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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