i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
