I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
