Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
