My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
