Already got asked if we're dating
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
