My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
