exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
