There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
