I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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