This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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