happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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