I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
