Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
