When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize