I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You made out with two different species that night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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