You just made me feel so damn special
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
