he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
