dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
