Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
