i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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