Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
