doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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