hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
